A couple told us that at the end of every week, they asked one another, “How full is your love tank?” If the wife said only an “8”, then the husband would further investigate: What can I do to make your love tank full? What did I do that made you feel loved this week? What did I do that didn’t make you feel loved? I was taken back by this question. It’s so simple, but nothing I’ve ever asked or asked to me. But it makes sense.
We took every advice given to us to make our first year of marriage successful. You hear most people say how hard the first year of marriage is. On top of it being our first year, we were also moving to a new city where we didn’t know many people, and new jobs. These were multiple stressors that could have dragged us down.
We started asking this question. Most of the time, our answers were that both of our love tanks were full. Every now and then I would say 8 or 9. Hubs would ask me how to make it full. I would tell him, I didn’t like how he hasn’t given me his undivided attention. He would be caught up on his cell phone or the T.V. or he hasn’t offered to help me with household chores. He obviously can’t read my mind! And he would say that I wasn’t giving him the appropriate attention or how I get angry with him for not knowing where the silverware or mugs go. (I mean we have been living there for months!) The question was a great transition for open communication in a non-threatening way. It wasn’t me yelling at him to shut the T.V. off or him yelling at me about the mugs, it was a reflection of our week. How we can best serve one another. If you just listen to your spouse, they are telling you how to do that. Hubs started giving me more attention and I stopped yelling at him about where the mugs should go. It’s a compromise. We both have the same end goal: to make one another happy.
If you haven’t read the 5 languages of Love by Gary Chapman yet, I highly suggest that you do! We were fortunate enough to read it during our honeymoon and it really was an eye-opener. You could be showing love to your partner, the way you felt loved, but that’s not how they feel loved. For example, one of hubs’ love language is touch, but touching me isn’t going to show me that you love me, acts of service does!
It’s also really incredible to think of how much God loves us. How much you love your spouse is just a glimpse of how much God loves us. How amazing is that!