We have been married exactly for 21 months. Many things have happened in 21 months!! We got married in Louisiana, moved to Texas, and now we are In North Carolina! We have so much more to learn, but here are 21 things that we have learned in 21 months of marriage. (In no particular order of importance)
- ALWAYS trust God. God has taken us on this adventure! He made each transition for us smooth, allowed us to be financially stable, to make friends, find jobs, for hubs to be accepted to school, and for us to find a church each and every move.
- Be kind to your spouse! No relationship will last or grow if all you hear is mean or negative things! That will only lead to resentment.
- Tell your spouse that you like them! Yes, we love our spouse, but we must also like them. Like hanging out with them, like talking to them, etc…
- We have different love languages. Hubs and I were given the book, The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, for our wedding. We are very fortunate to know what our love language is at the beginning of our marriage. Hubs love languages are: Touch and Words of Affirmation; Mine are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. And both of ours is Gifts!
- Keep dating your spouse. Hubs and I love going on date nights. We were in a new city and we loved to explore it! We checked out new restaurants, ate new things, and saw so many new views. It was fun to experience new things with my love!
- Speak well of your spouse. Hubs worked primarily with women. He always spoke well about me. He would tell them how proud he is of me, how thankful and grateful he is. How did I know this? Those women would tell me.
- Laugh. A LOT!
- Have faith in your spouse. If he says he will take the trash out, I’m not going to nag him to death, I have faith he will do it!
- Be slow to anger. This was a hard one for me to get. I can be so impulsive. Something I have to work on daily.
- Learn something new about your spouse. I learned how supportive hubs is. I didn’t have a job for 2 months and he didn’t stress me out about it; he helped me. He networked for me at work, complimented how good my skills are, and didn’t pressure me to finding a job.
- Learn something about yourself. I learned so much about myself. I learned that I can follow a recipe, clean, be crafty, host a dinner party, how important hand written ‘thank you’ cards are, and an endless amount of things.
- What an amazing man of God my husband is. He cherishes me, pursues me, and points my heart to Jesus.
- How important it is to get ‘plugged in’ with a missional community. It’s an amazing thing when you are with couples in your same life stage going through similar issues and figuring out how to work through them.
- Pray. Growing up I didn’t pray on my own a lot. I’ve learned to pray out loud for myself, for my husband, and for others.
- Proper communication. What I mean by that is, not yelling or putting words in one’s mouth. Let them talk and you actively listen. Give feedback to what their saying and don’t judge.
- It is about the little things. Hubs loves when I write him little notes on our ‘Welcome’ board. In return, he knows I love it when he writes back 🙂
- Celebrate the little things. Hubs and I celebrated each month we were married, each time one of us got a compliment at work, and now, each time he gets a 100 on a test or quiz.
- Appreciation. It’s important to tell your spouse how much you appreciate them, maybe, as much as how much you love them.
- Compliment them. When I was trying out new recipes, hubs always told me how proud he was of me and if it tasted well, then he would tell me that, too. I appreciate how hard-working he is and driven to achieve the goals to benefit our family.
- Working on a budget together. This is very important. We discussed how much we will spend each month on eating out, groceries, shopping, gas, entertainment, and even coffee. Hubs loves his coffee and when I broke it down to him how much he was spending a month at Starbucks, he understood and learned to drink coffee at home and only Starbucks for special times. We used Mint to help us make our monthly budget. It’s easy to use and there’s an app for it!
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Having respect for your spouse is so important. If one of your friends asks you to go for a drink or whatever it may be, there is nothing shameful about calling your spouse first asking if it’s okay. If you would be angry with your husband if he goes outs with all single guy friends or your wife if she buys a Tory Burch purse without consulting you first, don’t do the same! Put yourself in their shoes. Would I be mad if my wife/hubs did this? If yes, go home!
It’s also important to give all the glory to God. Without His grace, we wouldn’t have had this blessed of a life.
“The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” – Psalm 28:7